Alone in the darkness – I’m under the water. I swim to the coastline, and watch, as the ice-caps melt. There’s evil here and it’s always night, yet you can’t sleep a wink. Now that the moon’s out, let’s walk through the wet sand. Let’s follow the shoreline and watch as our footprints fade.
You walk around, no shadow cast, as silent as the falling snow. You watch your family from afar, you watch your children as they grow. You’re not far in spirit, but you’re far. You meet your mother as she dies. You walk your children home from school. At night you lay beside your wife and hold her as she mourns for you. You’re not far in spirit, but you’re far.
Pale skinned – I watch the body tremble; flailing limbs and foaming at the mouth. In his eye, there’s a distant recollection – like jigsaw pieces falling into place. He looks around – where is she now?
He sees the woman running to the body. Head in hands, she’s screaming for the man. She catches a boy’s eye, and in that moment, it’s clear.
The lambs sent off to slaughter. The cattle flood the abattoir. The piglet’s shocked with electric volts and the river runs with blood.
Well what if the tables turned? Battery babies. Hang toddlers, by Achilles, up to dry. Stillbirth taxidermy. Old ladies for upholstery. Mothers milked in factories until they die.
I’m trying hard to remember your social skill, but I’m honestly unsure. I’m trying hard to remember the contours of your skin, but I can’t. Parting glances are the one thing I recall. I’m looking through my old notebooks – it says our sex was filled with nervousness. I put you on a pedestal; it crumbled. It’s hard to think of you and him; it’s hard to imagine his hands upon your skin. I cannot see you with any clarity anymore. Could you tell the time; your left from your right? Are you cross eyed? Are you an early riser? Do you believe that star signs mean anything at all?
I am holding on to thoughts of you, to keep me sane – but in a daze, what I can’t see – it’s these thoughts that torture me. Clear your head – emptiness – try to avoid spending evenings alone. It’s cold here, the air’s thick. Just stop thinking things through and do what they tell you to do. Do you still think of me? Do you still dream of me? Tell me I’m still in your thoughts. Tell me you still hold me close to your heart. Should I write you a letter, send you a flower then wave you away? Or do I at least try to follow my heart, just like the movie scripts teach us to do?
Walk away – do it now or you’ll never escape. It’s your life; you decide.
It’s true, I’ve strayed, please save me. Try to follow the trail of my mind; find some way to pull me ashore. I invite you to look through my family tree – trace the poison to lessen my conscience; pinpoint the birth of this weakness in me.
Fragments – distorted, twisted and frayed; all just details of pain.
It’s true, I’ve strayed, please save me – don’t be afraid. Read through my history – memory fails me – help me to be a child again.
Hold on! Hold on! The sun sets then lets the dusk lead into tomorrow; look, our skin illuminates in the light. But our eyes, oh god our eyes! They strain to see the hands, that hold the knees, beneath the sheets – knees very weak. Between the blinds and the light, a light dust settles, and in time, it’ll build to something more than it once was. Let’s run our fingers through – to write our names – and there they’ll stay, in dust. Together. Like the ash of our remains – or what remains of us.
My life started with everything falling apart, this time last year, and I’ve been thinking ever since: how you believe in anything is staggering – you say your prayers to a god out there, but they’re just inside your head. If it’s for comfort on your death bed, then I get it. I understand the comfort in the thought, but then I get to thinking and I can’t. If it’s for comfort on your death bed – just forget it; the only comfort there is that it’s ending.
My ex-lover said to pull myself together, but look at her – she cannot even look at me now I’m hurting. There comes a time in life, when you lose faith, in what once meant most to you – but stay strong, for just another day, and you’ll find the strength to pull through.